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It was a gradual thing, unchaining myself from Walmart, the reverse to developing an addiction to roaming the aisles mindlessly whether or not I purchased anything. Early on it was to me what a smartphone is now - the device we reach for when we feel boredom settling in.

Boredom gets a bad rap; its definition doesn’t help. First it’s subjective; we all experience it differently. A lack of stimulation or losing interest in a task at hand might panic some wanting to avoid feeling stuck in a rut with a stopped clock. What if it opened the door to anxiety and depression, especially if current situations contrast significantly from expectations? Mental health could take a hit.

So we take quick action to keep boredom away. For me, Walmart served a dual purpose. One-stop shopping plus connections: impromptu chats with folks I’d run into, getting a burger and enjoying an outing with my child. It became a thing to travel farther on weekends to see what a ‘new’ Walmart had to offer. On a night out, it was a stop on the way home because it was in the neighborhood.

Managing boredom is key in managing mental health. That’s important - managing versus avoiding. Bodies need rest from crammed schedules and brains need breaks from constant stimulation tech devices provide. Boredom allows a mind to wander, consider new ideas, take on a new challenge. Thinking and doing nothing at all surprises us with bursts of creativity and problem-solving. Introducing kids to it could benefit us all down the line.

Retirement reduced my need for ‘stuff’ so Walmart excursions were reduced, too. New experiences provided connections and stimulation I needed. (Not to forget I’m surrounded by Dollar Generals, so there’s that). Then the pandemic hit. Unlimited free time and boredom that outlasted its welcome - the ultimate disconnect between reality and expectations - took a toll, a greater one than I realized.

Until a few days ago I had not circled the lot for a handy parking space or walked through those automatic doors since Covid came to call. Fear and anxiety kept me away. Could I control my spending? Would I be safe? Would it be crowded? What if I had a panic attack? Would I wind up a nervous wreck?

Yes, I controlled my spending, buying only what I intended, not roaming through other departments for no reason. I felt safe, avoiding busy aisles on the way to my destination. Some wore masks; I respect whatever their reasons. Going on a Saturday was not the way to stay out of a crowd, but the timing was unavoidable. I didn’t have a panic attack and I found my car just fine. I even saw security driving around.

At first, I was puzzled by the tears that came as I settled into the driver’s seat. In retrospect, they were tears of relief for a return of normalcy. I’ve missed you, Walmart. I’ll be seein’ ya more often now but not as an escape from boredom.